The Claws of a Crab Can Snip Through a Friendship
Whoa! Isn't this a crab, Gin-san?!
What's the occasion?
One of Gran's old friends
gave her so many that she's sick of eating them,
so she's sharing the wealth.
Seriously?!
It's been forever since I've had crab!
Uh...
She only gave us one?
Yeah, she asked me how many I wanted,
so I told her I wanted a boxful...
Damn hag!
Why is she giving us riddles like the Sphinx?!
This isn't Ikkyu-san!
I'm gonna "riddle me that!"
Calm down, kids.
Listen to me.
Do you know why a crab has so many legs?
So we can share them.
Since the beginning of time, humans have
fought many foolish wars over crabs.
Such as the Battle of Sekigahara
and the Battle of Okehazama.
Uh, that's news to me.
And so, the Holy Crab in Heaven...
What's a Holy Crab?
How did God turn into a crab?
Gave crabs more legs to end
the tragic conflicts and allow us
to eat crab together.
However, crabs could no longer
move forwards or backwards.
Is it right to force the Holy Crab to live a sideways life?
Is it right to force him to purely go
scissors without any missionary or doggy style?
This conversation has gotten very weird.
Let's do this peacefully.
I'm sick of all the fighting over food,
like whenever we have a hot pot.
That's true.
Let's share this crab.
If we include the claws, this thing has ten legs.
There's plenty for everyone here.
But how do we split ten legs between three people?
One will be left over...
Huh? What's going on?
A blackout?
Power outage at Odd Jobs
What the hell?
We were getting to the good part.
I'll go check the circuit breaker.
Ow!
Come on, staff.
You're already out of steam after the Four Devas arc?
Stop slackin' off!
Wait, this was in the manga.
The author was overwhelmed
with that one-shot collection business.
What?
He wouldn't be doing one-shots
if he kept slackin' on his main series, stupid!
Yeah, stupid!
Super Legend, my ass!
A bunch of one-shots from big shots?
One of those guys clearly doesn't fit!
There's a gorilla in the mix!
And he was unabashed about it!
Don't get too cocky, dammit!
What are you guys talking about?
I just checked the circuit breaker and it's fine.
Power's back.
Okay, let's get started then...
Uh, excuse me...
The Holy Crab was injured during the blackout.
Maybe he bumped into the table?
Yeah, a leg is missing.
It wasn't me!
I'm not evil enough to steal food while the power's out!
It obviously wasn't me!
So it was one of you two!
What was that?!
You probably swiped the leg
when you were pretending to go check the circuit breaker!
You said ow!
You probably cut yourself on the crab!
I hit my head on the screen!
Hey, cut it out!
It's not possible to eat one
of those shelled monsters in the dark.
Now, we have a number that divides perfectly into three.
The Holy Crab must have been trying to stop us from fighting.
Okay, enough bickering.
Each of us gets three legs...
You only get two!
Your mouth is bleeding because you didn't remove the shell!
How desperate were you?!
What are you guys talking about?
When we were trashing that Legends mess during the blackout,
a gorilla appeared and smacked me hard.
Who would believe that story?!
The missing crab leg was also him, I'm guessing.
It's pretty bad.
He must be completely stressed out.
Ah!
Damn, another blackout.
Power outage at Odd Jobs
Gin-san, don't move an inch.
One more time and you're gonna get it.
Seriously, it wasn't me.
Cross my heart and hope to die.
Careful, guys.
We don't know when the gorilla will come back.
Kagura-chan?!
Stop!
Hey! What's wrong, Kagura?!
Ka-Kagura-chan!
My eye... My eye!
Hold on, Kagura!
It's okay.
You just have a cut on your eyelid.
A gorilla...
A weird gorilla showed up and took a crab leg...
I tried to stop it... But...
Look, Shinpachi!
It took another crab leg!
This is all Legend Gorilla's fault!
No way!
Huh?
There's blood on the claw.
Didn't you just cut your eye
on the claw when you tried
to eat a crab leg in the dark?
No!
The gorilla!
The gorilla grabbed the crab and stabbed me with it!
Uh, you're talking with your mouth full.
No!
I fought back and bit off the gorilla's crotch!
Damn gorilla...
That should teach you a lesson.
Enough of this crap.
Stop blaming the gorilla for everything!
It's so obvious that you ate those crab legs!
No, we didn't.
It was the gorilla. The gorilla ate them.
You refuse to own up, huh...
Fine, have it your way.
We'll use a candle to prevent any further cheating
if the power goes out.
Oh, good idea.
Should have done this earlier.
Not that I ever cheated.
I didn't cheat,
but this should keep that gorilla away.
Since gorillas are afraid of fire.
Then I'll divide up the legs so we can eat.
Sure, go ahead.
Give me a claw.
I like the tougher meat.
Okay, that should put an end to their thievery.
If the power goes out, we'll still have light from the candle.
Most importantly, the crab is in my hands.
Oh, the power went out again.
Something's wrong today.
What's going on?
I'll go check the circuit breaker.
I'll come with you.
I'm gonna borrow a candle.
Huh? What are they doing?
They're leaving me alone with the crab?
The crab is undefended!
Is this a trap?!
Or are they letting me have my way with it?
Yes, this is the perfect chance!
I should go for it!
They already swiped two legs!
I don't have time to waste!
Huh?
There aren't any legs left...
Huh? This candle won't light.
This one won't either.
Nor this one.
Hey, Gin-chan.
These aren't candles...
They're crab legs.
What?!
Oh, you're right.
That was when I realized how foolish I was.
When I chose to focus on how to divide the legs among three people...
How to squirrel the extra leg away from them...
I was thinking too small.
I lost before I even sat down at the table.
They never had any intention of sharing a single crab leg.
My tiny claw could never pierce
through their shamelessly thick shells.
I will never stand a chance
until I bring out my own giant claws
for plundering the entire world of every last crab!
What's up with all the outages?
Let's try to get this crab party started again.
No...
Only the body and claws are left.
What's done is done.
I wasn't expecting people
to mistake crab legs for candles.
In what world would you find people who
mistake crab legs for candles?
It's Shinpachi's fault for leaving the crab legs next to the candles.
And you're trying to shift the blame to me
instead of apologizing!
Well, it was an honest mistake.
Let's forgive him.
You're so mature, Gin-chan!
Hey, Shinpachi.
Divide the crab into three equal portions.
How can you people have the gall to talk about equal?!
I want to hit them!
Punch them in the face!
But if I lose my cool now, they'll win!
They've been trying to goad me into snapping
with their heavy-handed behavior.
Forget that shit!
You guys already ate eight crab legs!
Three equal portions, my foot!
The rest is mine!
That's what they want me to say.
But they'll have a response prepared.
Don't be stupid.
Two of the legs were eaten by that gorilla.
We each ate three of the remaining six.
By mistake, I mean...
Thanks to someone else's mistake...
Well, you can have the two claws with the tougher meat.
But we're sharing the body.
They'll use some kind of absurd logic to
declare that two claws are equal to four legs.
That's why he said that line.
Give me a claw.
I like the tougher meat.
He was trying to inflate the value of the claws
as part of his strategy to fool me.
But it's all a lie!
The claw may look like it has more than a leg,
but in reality, it's the same amount of meat!
That guy was feigning interest in
the claws so he could be rid of them!
He'll use the claws to distract
me while he aims straight for the body!
I won't let that happen!
I'm going to fight back!
Fine then.
I'll let you guys have the claws.
Which means I'm stuck with the body.
C-Could it be...
He's using my statement about the claws
against me, to lock me down?!
Despite all my taunting,
he's stayed calm and seen right through my plan,
completely ignoring the claws
and going straight for the body!
And he's pretending that he's doing us a favor
by taking the body so he can win over the kid.
A technique practiced by dads around the world!
I don't like the body cause it's all squishy and gross.
Same here.
But if you like crab legs so much, I'll take the body.
Yes, the body of a crab is disgusting.
Women and children tend to avoid it.
But the dad knows
that the body contains Princess Crab-Paste!
Shi-Shinpachi...
You already know the secret of
Princess Crab-Paste at such a young age?!
Indeed, Princess Crab-Paste is the
ugliest woman of the Sengoku period.
Yet you know that her repulsive face hides...
...the finest lay of the Sengoku period!
Gin-san, you may have won some small skirmishes,
but you haven't won the war.
You must take the body...
Take Princess Crab-Paste...
if you wish to become a Crabqueror!
I will be the one who conquers the world!
Princess Crab-Paste!
Are you all right?
Don't worry! Everything will be okay!
The Shimura army will keep you safe!
The Sakata army approaches.
It is too dangerous here!
We must escape at once!
Th-That's...
That's impossible...
Pr-Princess Crab-Paste...
Princess Crab-Paste?
Who are you talking about?
I-Impossible!
It isn't just Princess Crab-Paste!
The body is...
...completely empty!
Oh, sorry, Shinpachi.
I took the meat from the body and cooked it with rice.
Oh, I saved the crab paste.
C-Cooked it with rice?!
How unfortunate, General Shimura.
This castle belongs to the Sakata army now!
And Princess Crab-Paste has fallen into our hands!
This castle no longer holds any strategic value!
It can't be...
General Sakata...
You anticipated that I would anticipate your plan?!
Absolutely not.
But in war,
the key is to become a coward with multiple back-up plans.
N-No...
He knew all along...
...that my focus was on the body.
And to fool me, he restored the body after taking its contents,
and pretended to be Princess Crab-Paste.
Yes, while I was falling into his trap,
he was taking possession of the ultimate sword, Crabclaw!
Yeah. Sorry, Pachi-boy.
We even took the claws.
You ended up without a single bite of crab.
I misjudged him!
But it's not our fault.
You're the one who let us have them.
You have sunk your fangs into the crab shell,
Gintoki the Viper!
Well, I'll help myself then.
The meat!
The meat of the Crabclaw is gone!
The meat is right here.
Ta-da!
Da-Daigoro!
You're so weird, Gin-chan.
Why do you like the claws so much?
There's more meat in the leg below the claw.
Silly Gin-chan.
I spent too much time talking about claws!
Technically, the term claw only
refers to the pincer at the very end!
Still, I never expected her to divide up the claws like this!
I ignored you since I assumed you were just a child,
but you took advantage of my battle with General Shimura
to use my own words against me.
Daigoro, you are no ordinary Daigoro!
You were sent by Iga?!
You aren't the only one
who intends to take advantage
of the chaos and conquer this world.
A true tactician would lay low until
he's already conquered the world in secret!
Viper!
I grant you an eternal slumber inside that empty shell!
Not yet...
I can still conquer the world...
I may have lost the claws,
but I used the treasures of the castle to create a new paradise!
Castle Crab-on-Rice belongs to me!
And Princess Crab-Paste is in my hands!
As long as I hold these, my ambition will never die!
Lord Viper! Look over there!
A castle is being constructed
next to ours at an alarming pace!
Th-That's...?!
Castle Crab-Juice!
I-Impossible!
This man has gathered his surviving forces
and begun to build a castle!
Gin-san!
There's more to a crab than its meat!
Even the shell has its flavor!
Curse you!
You plan to pit leftover juices against my crab-on-rice
and reverse the situation?!
This is your last chance to seek a peaceful resolution, Viper!
Grant me the right to access Castle Crab-on-Rice
and meet with Princess Crab-Paste!
Preposterous!
How dare you seek to bargain
on equal footing with me, the Crabqueror?!
Who said anything about equal footing?!
I, Shinpachi Shimura,
demand seventy percent of Castle Crab-on-Rice!
S-Seventy percent?!
You overestimate what you hold!
You have dug your own grave, Viper!
Crab on rice may sound delicious,
but in reality, it barely tastes any different from plain rice!
Yes, alone, crab on rice holds no power!
Your castle serves as little more than decoration!
Crab on rice requires flavorful vegetables
which have been cooked in crab juice!
You can no longer survive
in the Sengoku period without me!
Don't be ridiculous!
You have underestimated the potency of my hand-salted rice!
Fire!
It's no use, Lord Viper!
There isn't enough flavor!
Fire!
Such firepower!
The crab juice is strong in him!
Wh-What did you say?!
This is like Gian vs. Nobita!
We're a perfect match! The ultimate combination!
Best friends forever!
It's over, Viper!
Time to let me take over the world!
Silence!
I have my own Doraemon in Princess Crab-Paste!
Wh-What?!
This shaking...
It'll taste better this way.
Tha-
That's...
That's...!
The castle in the sky!
Crab-Congee-Laputa!
I-Impossible!
Castle Crab-on-Rice and Castle Crab-Juice
were taken over and combined into one?!
She's stolen our cooking to create the ultimate recipe
and lay claim to the mantle of conqueror!
You're...!
You're no ordinary assassin of Iga!
Exactly.
I'm neither Daigoro nor an assassin of Iga.
My true name is Kagura Crab Congee Laputa.
A descendant of the royal family
which ruled over the ancient city of Crab-Congee-Laputa.
I have been waiting for this moment,
when you would unlock the path to Crab-Congee-Laputa,
for I never could have
cooked crab on rice or vegetables in crab juice on my own.
Excellent work.
I appreciate your efforts.
In return, I shall give you
a demonstration of the true power of crab!
O-One egg can cause this much damage?!
A little stirring and the smell has me drooling!
Th-This is the true power of crab!
Please stop her...
Pr-
Princess Crab-Paste!
Stop fighting over crab!
Crabs were never meant to create conflict.
Crabs are meant to bring everyone
together around the table for a pleasant meal.
Wasn't that your original intention?
Magnificent!
It's not too late!
The finest show on Earth!
The three of you can share this meal together.
It's too late.
Our souls are enraged by the long battle.
We can never bury this hatchet.
It will be fine.
I will help to mend fences.
The savory flavor of crab paste is gentle as the ocean.
I'm sure that it will soothe your souls
and restore your kind nature.
Now, speak the words of unity and add me to the pot.
Balse appetit.
Forget it.
You can have the rest.
Let's get this crab party restarted...
No, let's get this crab party started.
Sure, you have forty seconds to get ready.
It tastes too fishy.
Imitation crab is better.
Yes, that's right.
Crab-Flavored Sausage
Band together
to eat cheap food!
Next Episode People Forget to Return Stuff All the Time Without Even Realizing It
Next time:
People forget to return stuff all the time without even realizing it!